What if I Can’t?
My buddy messaged me yesterday to say she just couldn’t stop doubting herself, and whilst I reeled off (with ease) the 1 million reasons why she really should never doubt herself, the things I see in her every day that make her an incredible human! I couldn’t help but feel like a total hypocrite because I was sat on the sofa, sipping tea, and doubting myself hard.
It was so easy for me to look at her and say “You’re a crazy woman! Doubt! You’re flipping incredible, stop it right now and believe in yourself!” And it was 100% true, it rolled so effortlessly out my head, I had no second thoughts, no questions no what if’s!
When I tried to apply the same logic to myself I got met with a brick wall of mind bumph that wouldn’t let me through; Your mileage has been too low, you haven’t trained hard enough, your splits aren’t fast enough and that’s just the running stuff. Then the life stuff kicks in; people think all of this is dumb, what are you even doing this for, you’re not any good! UGH!
What is it about fear of failure that sends our mind crazy? It forces us to put blockers in the way before we’ve even started. I’m sure my brain thinks this is some sort of safety mechanism, protecting me from my own delusions of what I’m capable of. I mean thanks brain, but really I’ve got this!
Writing about self-doubt, a topic I’ve covered before, seemed equally hypocritical today when I was grappling with it myself! How am I meant to shed light on something that I personally seem to have little control over?
I turned to the internet for some sort of inspiration and came across this on the topic of self-doubt:
“It will greet you every time you fall out of your comfort zone and whenever you strive to do something great.”
The only reason we, well I, doubt is because I’m striving for something new, something scary. The only reason I doubt is because I’m changing and working towards something; Something that I care about, something important!
If you’re doubting yourself then you’re pushing yourself, and pushing yourself can only be a good thing. You’re stepping out of comfort and into uncharted territory. You’re being an explorer, an adventurer, a maverick!
Instead of struggling with my self-doubt once again and being fearful of it, frustrated by it, and in some ways consumed in it. I feel I’ve got to change the record and try to just EMBRACE it.
The truth is if my brain is saying I can’t it is right to some degree! I can’t run a sub 4 Marathon yet, I simply haven’t tried to yet! I am however taking the steps I need, and working bloody hard towards it!
And if my brain is saying I will fail, the truth is I might, again it’s not completely wrong. Anything can happen on the day, good and bad. But if there is a chance I can fail then there is certainly a chance I can succeed, and if I don’t? Then you know what I’ll just try again.
And if my brain is telling me I’m not good enough, then you know what I’ll just keep on getting up, lacing up, and showing up! And eventually I’ll get there, or maybe somewhere else even better!
I may not know the 1 million reasons why I should believe in myself yet, the reasons my people would happily tell me if I asked. I’m ok with that though, because right now I’ll just have a bloody amazing journey figuring them out, one by one!
Life is full of impossibilities, and with that comes chances to mess everything up! But sometimes you just have to lean in, take that leap, and you never know maybe you’ll do something incredible!
c-x
ThinkingClarely 
This is very true! 🙂 I think many of us are our own worst enemies due to the voice in our heads.
I complete agree Fed, we’re so quick to see the good in others but so slow to realise it in ourselves!
This was really helpful – I’ve had a bad week with this exact issue, also marathon related. Good luck!
Duff Running I’ve only just seen this but I really hope your week has improved and training is going well, I’ll be posting my latest marathon diaries tonight! Good luck to you 🙂