Sticks & Stones
Words are so incredibly powerful, I love them which is why my favourite pastimes are to write, read, or listen. But the balance of the universe means that if they’re not helping us they’re hurting us.
Do you want to know how many hurtful things I’ve said to myself today?
I woke up 7 times in the night a record for me, in recent times. I lay staring at the wall, checked emails/facebook/Insta, and read my book for a bit. Somewhere between night and day I nodded back off to sleep, when I finally came around this morning I felt groggy and irritable.
I was mad at myself for lots of reasons and I kicked off the morning making sure I knew it.
I sat down with my to-do list, scratch that my ‘to-do’ book and just looked at it. Telling myself everything was slipping. “Have you seriously not even got that done yet?” “You’re useless!” I joked that maybe someone would publish my ‘to do’ book, it could have some quirky title like memoir of the underappreciated? You know it’s bad when you’re giving yourself a snarky teenage attitude.
I was mad that things were slipping, that I was slipping; slipping off my own positivity bandwagon. I was mad at myself for trying too hard and yet not trying hard enough. I was mad that I wasn’t getting the outcomes I wanted, needed or thought I deserved.
The worst part was I didn’t even see how hurtful I was being, that I’d allowed this tirade of negativity to wash over me. It was blocking me in so many ways from moving forward. In a very small scale way with moving forward in my day, but I had a sneaking suspicion it would be working on a much higher level of hindering me from moving forward at all.
Isn’t it so much easier to say that we can’t, we won’t, and we’re not good enough than to make the bold claims that we can, we will, and we deserve better? The reason I think is because if we make those really positive statements we then have to follow through, we have to show up, and be vulnerable. It takes an awful lot of strength to be vulnerable, and a whole lot of vulnerability to stand up and be your own cheerleader.
I know we’re very British and telling ourselves that we are awesome does not come naturally without apologising profusely afterwards and insisting it was a joke, but try this with me! If you, like me, have been a total bitch to yourself today or any day then it stops right now, call yourself out on it, and get ready to cheer yourself on for a change!
It’s time to celebrate all your wins no matter how small, give yourself some gold medals, and be proud of what you’re doing right now.
Here goes mine for the whole internet to read, and that’s gotta be way more embarrassing than just saying it in your head!
I answered 4 of my red flagged must answer emails today.
I made healthy foods for the week including snacks.
I’m flipping strong for a little pint sized person.
I love my blog, I love writing and growing this community.
I’m immensely proud of my body and my brain.
I’m training so freaking hard and I’m doing bloody marvellously.
It’s so easy to be our own worst enemy, but when we’re spending time building everyone else up and leaving ourselves behind we’re really not doing anyone any favours. In case no one has told you today, you’re doing really well at life!
So when you hear that voice saying you can’t or you won’t or that you’re not good enough to, then drown him/her out with a whole load of I Am… cheer! Now start this week off right and go chase down some dreams!